As I was growing up, working has been something in the future that motivated my days. Watching movies about a grown-up lady always enchanted me. Living independently, doing her passions.

Almost two years already.

I HAVE TO STAY

Everyone has their own path. For me, I didn’t get to try many fields before deciding somewhere to stay. Alhamdulillah, right after my graduation, my office had a recruitment.

It’s not like working in some companies which I can resign whenever I feel like I need to move on. It’s not some kind of “let’s learn as much as I can until I resign.”

It’s something like “Here I am and I have to stay.”

Allah made me work for a government office; as a civil servant. The strict regulations apply on me. And I am committed to the responsibilities came within my decision to start my career this way.

Stay.

Sometimes it got weird hearing my friends complained about their current job and thought about resigning. Well I can complain too but no way I can ever think about resigning. Unless things turn out not making sense more than just I can’t stand the workplace.

How does this consequence change me?

I am trying really hard to adapt well and fit in.

If works get really burdensome, I learn to have a pause and rest. I learn to ask for help. I learn to say, “Sorry I can’t do this now, can I do it tomorrow?”

If things don’t go well with my co-workers, I learn how to deal until it’s done and not become a problem for later.

I have such a perfectionist sister so I never think I can do things like her. But at some point I realize I hate it each time I fail. I punish myself whenever I do. I’ll push myself so everything goes as I plan or as it is assigned for me.

One day, I failed doing my work perfectly. I missed an important task so the office was in chaos since I was away. I feel like I was the one to blame and the feeling was so disappointing since I thought I did my best and already spent more time that I had to.

That changed me.

I set things clearly now: how far I can do my best. I need to set time for work and I don’t have to overdo it.

I tell myself: you may fail and you need to forgive yourself for your imperfection. When you fail, all you need to do is to say sorry to the people who may be affected and just try to fix it.

Fix things until it works again. So you can stay…

JAKARTA

My office is located in Central Jakarta. The city which is some kind of I had been dreaming of. So here I currently live.

But you know, even dream is never as perfect as it may seem.

The crowded Jakarta can do both; moves you forward or freezes you in loneliness.

My office is situated near by a commuter line so whenever I pass the station, I feel like everyone is rushing off. The atmosphere for working is good but you know sometimes you just need to chill? At least on weekend. No wonder a lot of people drive away from Jakarta just to get rid of the working vibe.

I have many friends currently live in Jakarta. Some old friends even, reunited here. But after working, it’s hard to have someone who is one call away. Unlike when I was still a student back in college which my friends had similar daily schedule. And basically, we were having the same purpose: finishing papers, passing the final exams, or trying to run student movements.

One day I wanted to study for IELTS. Then I recalled how the student-me easily called some friends to gather at a cafe to spend time together while doing our own assignments. That day I ended up went to a cafe alone with loud earphones.

It’s getting hard to fit in schedules too. Everyone is busy with different purposes. Ah, we are officially grown up.

How does this big city change me?

I changed my views on being independent. I couldn’t see the side of “loneliness” in the independent adulthood. Now I see it clearly. I can’t run from the consequence of expecting no one.

I learn to see wider, outside my circles, outside my comfort zones to “stay sane”. I learn to accept some people come, some people go. I push myself reaching out for an old friend and it feels really good. Sometimes pulling a smile to a stranger just because you needed to talk after getting bored of being all alone. (Most of the time I am introverted so actually being alone is some kind of need but sometimes it’s boring too)

Getting rejected is okay since I can’t always make it too for a meet-up haha

Also, being independent is you make your own choice. When you need to stop, you stop. When you need to go out, you go out. Doesn’t matter no one says you may do it. You don’t need to ask anyone.

I used to figure being independent only as doing thing by your own. But it’s beyond those physical activities. But also dealing with my mental situation.

You may hear this a lot: people change.

Yes, and so do ourselves. I can’t depend on anyone to tell me how I am doing, whether how my emotions grow or the stress I need to overcome. I need to realize it by my own. How are you today, Mega? Are you happy? Do you need coffee? Do you need a fresh air or a bed rest? Who to tell you that? No one but you.

TRAVELING

My work requires me to travel a lot. Actually, it was one big reason why I chose this job, I wanted to visit every corner of Indonesia.

The excitement to travel to a city I’ve never been before is a reason for a big smile as I start the business trip.

How does this fun thing challenge me?

I have such a funny allergy; I always define it as allergy to a new air. Whenever the airplane lands, I sneeze. Whenever going through the exit gate of an airport, my nose starts running. I am sensitive to the changes of temperature, I believe.

Earlier this year, I had a bad flu through several weeks. It’s such a challenge for me as I was supposed to be outdoor a lot while doing my work. Then, I realized I had a frequent migraine.

Guess what, the Mega who hates visiting doctor and coming to hospital pushed herself to see ENT doctor.

But when I told ENT doctor, she laughed. New air is not some kind of allergen. The real situation is I have a septum deviation and a chronic rhinitis problem. She writes me some medicines and taught me how to do nasal irrigation (a medical practice, don’t do it on your own unless doctor tells you too haha). Alhamdulillah, it helped!

This job requires me to be fit. I need to take care of my health. It’s a challenge for me since I am away from home; I am so dependent to my mom and my sister on health problem. I preferred to call them to ask medicines instead of visiting doctor.

After visiting the ENT doctor, I realized it’s important to visit doctor if you already feel troublesome with your body. It’s important to be brave, walking to “a scary hospital”.

My other weakness is I don’t like exercising. Once, my high school friends asked me to join them running in GBK. I liked gathering with my friends but I did not really enjoy running hahaha

Now I found a way of exercising that I enjoyed: biking! And of course, with a motivation to meet my friends always makes exercising more exciting!

WORKING IN TEAM

What really challenges me in this teamwork-job is the quite big age differences with my seniors. Most of them have the same age as my parents or older. Our values and mindset are inevitably different. I try to imagine how my parents would do if they had to do this job so that I can understand our differences.

Well, working with “millennials” also has challenges. We have ego. Mood swing sometimes stinks.

Does this change me?

I am still trying to be a good partner… I can’t tell whether I have changed to be better.

But I can tell that I pay more attention to people’s response toward my act or our circumstances. I have been trying to notice more because actually I care less about people. My experiences taught me to not get involve in people’s personal stuffs.

But this job requires me to spend full day (and days) with my partners. Without even trying to know, personal problems can just come to the surface and influence our teamwork.

Including me with my personal issues…. zzzzz

Oh I hope I can be a good buddy, not just a co-worker.

Do you work in team and spend days with them too? How do you handle it? Maybe you want to share? I’d love to know 😊

They say this is the era of disruption. Rapid change. Constant.

Can we always adapt well to the “amanah” we got?

How about you? How do you deal with the challenges at work?

Mega

Muslim - Indonesian - Loves written words

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